I've been working on a sea scape and it's going well, but slowly.  Probably because I'm trying to paint sand which is something new.  I may not have too much time to paint since I started a remodel on my new house today.  It's such a cool house, built in 1904 and filled with character and light.  It has a pretty small front porch, but I thought there would be people to sit with me on the stairs; to enjoy the sun and passage of time.  Oh well, can't have everything you ask for. 

My studio is going to be fabulous if it ever gets done. 

OK, I guess I just don't have any talent as an abstract artist.  I worked on that thing for a couple of hours and got nowhere.  This is an old canvas on a craft center frame.  This is about the 3rd or 4th go around on it and it weighs a ton. 

I love it when people say about abstract art, "My four year old could do that."  I'm here to tell you that your four year old might be able to do it accidently, but it's really not that easy.  At least it's not for me. 

I talked to my oldest daughter today.  I asked her what she thought about me not hearing from a lot of people.  She said she believed that people were often overwhelmed with their own lives and that, quite frankly, I acted like it was no big deal and that I didn't need anything.  Boy, how did she get so wise?  That's so true.  I've never been able to ask for what I need; love, attention, time, whatever.  I think, in a way, it's created more loss.  When will I be able to admit who I am under this blustery facade?

I'm trying to work a little bit at a time on this abstract.  So far it hasn't improved much.

I'm thinking about how most of my life's actions have had a catalyst in emotional pain.  I've made decisions because my feelings were so hurt that I saw my only recourse as running away. 

I had surgery last Monday and I'm feeling especially fragile.  My kids have been great; they sent flowers, have run errands and checked in every day.  I've also received emails and texts from a few good friends.  Beyond that....nothing.  Maybe it's the digital age, maybe it's our age of indifference.  Maybe I am WAY too sensitive.

How do you stop keeping score?

I painted today.  It's been a long time coming.  I have tons of half finished canvases in the store room.  Mostly they are ones that didn't work out or are so terrible they need to be painted over.  I finished one for a friend and today started on another. 

I can copy just about anything.  What's really hard for me are abstracts.  Whoever said they were just a bunch of splotches and dabs has never tried it.  I see a lot of abstracts that really wow me.  However, I have never been able to do one that speaks to me that way.  I'm going to keep working on this abstract for a bit.  I just want to see if I can do it. I've been in a pretty bleak place lately and I'm hoping this will catapult me out of it.  It's amazing how distracted I can get.  I'm all wrapped up in having my house on the market and designing the new one, that I don't do the one thing that really feeds me; paint. 

I actually sold one of my more abstract landscapes out of the coffee shop the other day.  Kind of surprised me.