Emotional excess

Finally I'm putting my studio together.  I decided to put on my headset, while working, and it all came back.  I have been gifted/cursed with such acute emotions.  I know I've never been able to tap them down.  I have loved beyond belief.  I have felt loss....Oh god....I have felt loss.  This is how I'm wired. 

My mother died in January.  I felt pity for her these last two years of debilitation, but not love.  That emotion was wiped out by her enormous cruelty towards me.  I didn't really feel a sense of loss when she died, but I must say she's been visiting me in my dreams. 

My mother use to paint,  but I don't think she got much relief from her turmoil.  Guess I better get busy.