Too Many Years Later
Yes, I’m still here and still painting. I am moving in a few months and am digging out all my unfinished or poorly done paintings from my basement. The first one I finished I gave to my great-nephew Adam. He asked for one of my paintings for his 17th birthday and picked one out of the stacks. I spent some time making it worthy of his request and I will post that one too. This is my first attempt at using my new website so we will see how the posting of painting photos goes. Stay posted!
Seven Months Later
I am starting to recover from that last post. I swear to god this has been the worst year of my life. I am still grieving the loss of my Cooper. I guess if I hadn't loved him so much the loss would not be so devastating. I guess that's how it is; when I have loved greatly, the loss has been severe.
I have been working on a few paintings on and off. They totaled my car from the first accident and I finally got a brand new one. Always a wait on electric cars but I'm okay with that. Well, I managed to run my brand new car into a parked car and didn't hit something I could just bounce up the curb. No, I had to hit a 2006 Mercedes. My car had exactly 156 miles on it and turns out it was un-drivable. I hit the parked car right on my front passenger wheel and bent it a wee too much.
If you ever get in an accident driving a Tesla, don't hope to get your car back in months. Portland certified shops could get my car in March and Eugene was the closest with a January drop off. I am diligent if nothing else and I finally found a shop in Tacoma that could take it November 15th. My trip up there was like a slap stick comedy, from them canceling my tow, to getting lost, to the car delayed. Even when it got there, they couldn't get it off the fucking tow truck. I made it home safely but not without some mishaps in the Tesla I had rented for the day. Aaaaarrrrrgggghhhh!!!
The year of 2021 has been about the most difficult of my life. I have always seen myself as lucky in so many ways; well that ended this year. Even to the smallest thing it's been a cockup. Now I have a win-win situation (I hope). I'm either going on a fabulous vacation with a couple of my daughters in May or I'm getting a new puppy on January 1st!
Stay posted.
Comparison
I realize it's petty, but sometimes I get sad when I see other people's success. I suppose it's pretty normal, but since I don't like feelings, I find it disturbing. It also motivates me to keep painting. I have not been doing much, and have a million excuses, but to chase away the blues from someone else's success, I need to make some success of my own. I'm also going to try and get someone to help me post my new paintings because they are pretty fabulous!
Computer Idiot
I feel so stupid, but I cannot upload the photos of my new paintings. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I think they are a nice new change for me. They are land/sea scapes, but in oranges, reds and yellows. I think you would love them if you could see them. Rats!
Long Time
It is such a trying time. I have been painting on and off. I spent 3 months in Sacramento and while there painted over some old paintings my daughter had. Now I'm attempting to upload a diptych that I spend a long time on. The files are too large and won't upload. I will keep you posted.
Loved ones...
I crawled back in bed this morning just to settle my stomach and to get warm. All I could think about were all the people who have passed through my life and the ones I have loved. I, of course, am in contact with my family and friends, but it's all those from the past that I think about. This virus doesn't play favorites and I'm hoping people stay safe. I am painting every day. It's the one thing that gives me some comfort and helps to pass the time. I am almost finished with one and will take a pic and post it when I am done. In the mean time; stay home and stay safe.
Finally, but....
I managed to upload two new photos of my most recent paintings. I meant to post one of them on the introductory page, but it's too small and I can't seem to resize it. I know computers are suppose to make our lives easier, but I have been at this for two days and I still can't manage to get it right. Oh well, I will take it down and try to put it up in a more appropriate size, but not today.
Frustration
I am beside myself. I dug out the camera and took picture of 3 of my latest paintings. They are in my photo album, but when I try to put them on this website, they are no where to be found. I really hate computers!
So modest
I have been painting every day and have finished several works. Now if i can just upload the stupid photos to my page. I think I will have to try taking pictures with my camera instead of my phone. The phone photos won't upload no matter how long I wait. This computer is crap too. I've had about 3 MACs and they have all be awesome until this one. Anyway, I will try to upload the paintings because they seem to be pretty amazing..... So, I guess I will stop bitching and try finding the battery for the camera.
New Painting
I've added a new painting and put it on the "welcome" page. What I'm doing is taking canvases that I wasn't happy with or didn't finish and painting over them.
There is another new painting and I will move it up the list in the gallery.
Here to Stay?
It's amazing. I don't know how I survived all these years without painting. I finished the painting for my niece and I'm not happy with it. So, I'm giving it to them and am going to repaint it with a different perspective. I will post a picture. I have two others that are almost finished. Gotta go paint!
It's About Time
I promised my niece I would give her a painting for their new house. We picked the size canvas and I began to work in fits and starts. Then she sent me a text saying she would like to come by and see what I had done so far. Yikes! So, I got to work and guess what? I found the joy in painting once more....finally. I have been painting every day. I'm working on something similar over an old canvas to the one for my niece. I'm close to finished with theirs, but am having trouble with the foreground. I will keep working. I can even listed to Wicked Lies without thinking it's somehow my song.
I'm excited about this. I have found my purpose again and hope it stays with me.
The Chase
Wow, I can't believe I haven't written anything since the election. I don't feel any differently about what I wrote, but I think I'm getting some glimmers of truth about other stuff.
The truth? I have been chasing happiness all my life. I can't even begin to list the things I've done chasing happiness. Since I chased it up I-5 to Portland, I really lost my way. I still thought I should be happy.
For some reason I've just had this epiphany. I'm maybe not going to be happy, but I'm never going to get there chasing it. That apparently has been my problem.
Haha, what to do about it?
Aftermath
You know, I have trusted my judgement a good percent of the time. I think part of that is because I trust that people are telling me the truth. When a lover tells me he's never felt this way and finally understands what love is, I believe it. I have been a fool. I also have trusted my political outlook. Sometimes I'm disappointed, but I have never doubted myself the way I do now. I have usually towed the party line and been OK with it. I supported Hillary Clinton, over Bernie Sanders,because I believed she could win. And, because I am a feminist and think it's time for a woman to run this country. I was glad when Donald Trump got nominated because I trusted that the American people would never pick such a racist scoundrel for president. (A part of me still believes they didn't.)
I have been wrong, wrong, wrong. Wrong about the lover and wrong about the election.
For the first time in my life I have not read a paper or listened to any news program. I just don't want to know how or why this has happened. I don't want to know what I can do and how this can be fixed. I'm too busy wallowing in the depths of my despair.
Heartbreak
I have been sad, and often dismayed, at the results of elections. Never have I felt like this. The loss of the love of my life pales in comparison to what I feel about this election. I have gone so far as to write letters about why I believe it's fraudulent and I will continue to do what I can. I'm scared. If the election is honest then what am I to believe about the people who perpetuated it by electing a dishonest, racist, cheating, meglomaniac. Actually, I'm going to post my letter in the next blog so you will understand the bredth of my angst.
Letter
I am a 68 year old retired nurse. I also have a bachelors degree in political science. Throughout my lifetime I have been interested in the activity of government and have watched elections closely. As a Democrat, I have sometimes been happy and sometimes sad and dismayed. This time, however, I am really frightened. We have supposedly elected a narcissistic megalomaniac. I say “supposedly” because I do not believe in the outcome of this election. I am not paranoid or a conspiracy theorist, but I do believe our election was tampered with.
Probably what bothers me the most is his ranting, before the election, about how the process was rigged and he wouldn't accept the outcome. We, of course, thought he was crazy. When Hillary Clinton was defeated, she followed the path of all great statesmen and conceded with grace. President Obama was also gracious and helpful. Both of them believed he had won fair and square and didn’t want to be seen ranting and raving about an unfair election.
To begin with, I know polls can be wrong, but exit polls are more accurate and all favored Hillary Clinton. In my heart of hearts I couldn’t believe that the American people could elect someone who had cheated on his taxes, discriminated in his rental practices, ran an illegal foundation, and worst of all, harassed and abused women. He also has no experience in government and is clearly not a critical thinker.
The system of checks and balances on which our government is based, will disappear with his appointment of a Supreme Court Judge. Then he and his friend Putin, will be in the driver’s seat. Think about it. His main supporters are uneducated white men who are heavily armed. They remind me of the brown shirts in Hitlers rise to power.
I have no power and only a small voice so I rely on others to carry the message. Our only chance of correcting this travesty is to prove that he and/or Putin tampered with the election before the inauguration. You know the Russians have the capability, so let’s get busy finding the proof we need. Our country deserves a president who is worthy of the office.
New paintings
I've added all my new paintings, one of which I just finished yesterday. In between I'm working on some animal pictures for my daughters. They are really hard, but I'm motivated to do it for them. Exploring all kinds of methods and subjects has refired my interest in painting. It's pretty nice. Now if this fucking election would just end......
Promises kept
I've been painting. It all started with a comment a friend made at my class reunion. I showed him a self portrait drawing that I had made. He asked, "Are you going to paint that?" I hadn't thought of it before then, but one of the first things I did was get out an old canvas and start painting. I have never done portraits and it's incredibly difficult. The first rendition looked like a zombie, but I really was enjoying the process. So I decided to paint a portrait of my oldest daughter. She looked like a zombie too, but I finally discovered that it was the skin and shadow tint. I'm still working on it, but I'm happy with the face. Then I was able to go back and un-zombie mine. It took a couple tries, but I think it's OK. I was waiting for it to dry before adding the wrinkles..... I posted it under new work at the bottom of the list, but I can't get the damned thing to rotate so it's sideways.
I've also been trying to produce a painting for my niece. I may have to start from scratch, but I altered a couple of canvases that I wasn't totally happy with and painted over an old one. They are listed at the top of my "recent work". I'm painting again and that in itself is pretty damned wonderful. Speaking of which, the day is passing and I had better get to the studio.